I Have a Problem Finding That Ask Again

Time and once again, people share with me the difficulties they take in asking for help. When I hear this, I'thou grateful they institute their way to my role, because their first phone telephone call to me was an instance of having done so.

We all have moments in our lives when we crave the assistance of others. Nosotros don't ever know all there is to know or take the skills to exercise everything proficiently or successfully. Nosotros certainly don't expect that of others, either. So it makes sense we would take occasion to ask someone for help at some betoken.

The biggest reason many seem to have for staying stuck rather than reaching out is fear. People fear they will be rejected or told "no," fearfulness being seen as "less than" or weak, or fear being "found out."

Being told "no" does not have to be awful. We do not have to weave a story and personalize the rejection (make information technology about united states). It may be that the person we chose to inquire didn't have the appropriate resources to help united states of america at that time. It's best to take the "no" as the answer to our asking, not a negation of ourselves. A "no" tells us not to waste any more than fourth dimension and energy asking this item person, and guides us closer to someone who will say "yeah."

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Some equate being vulnerable with being weak, just asking for assistance takes self-awareness and courage. It'south important to know where our strengths lie and where they don't. Sometimes the most efficient way to go on is to focus our efforts where they have the most impact, and implore others to fill in the gaps co-ordinate to their skill sets, leading to teamwork and collaboration. To be vulnerable is to provide the opportunity to connect and puddle resource, thereby resulting in further strength.

The fright of beingness "found out" is akin to the fear of existence exposed as a fraud (impostor syndrome). It tin can coincide with all-or-nothing thinking or perfectionism—believing that if we don't know it all, nosotros know next to nada. In most roles in which nosotros function, whether it be parent, employee, or partner, we are not expected to know it all. There are ever opportunities for us to acquire and grow. Information technology doesn't serve us to pretend we have every respond. Even so, it benefits us and others to know where to go for assist when we need information technology, and and so to avail ourselves of those resources.

What can you gain by request for assistance?

• Yous proceeds the power to motility forward. Rather than staying "stuck," yous know how to proceed. Tin you remember a time you hesitated in reaching out? Chances are yous felt a sure degree of stress associated with this. Yous weren't being every bit productive equally you wanted to be. You lot may accept felt foolish in not being sure of your adjacent step. Not believing you could inquire for help might have fueled symptoms of anxiety. That is, until you asked for help and felt the relief of finding out what you needed to know.
• You gain the opportunity to collaborate. If you've been tasked with something to exercise independently, it'southward all-time to try to do it on your ain. Only if you lot're stymied, seeking communication or assist gives someone the opportunity to share with you. While not everyone is able to say "aye," people are often honored past the request. It means yous admired their expertise or abilities enough to inquire.
• You lot proceeds the opportunity to learn. Pay attention to who is willing to help and what they are willing to exercise for you. Actually mind to strategies being communicated to you, and take notes so you lot don't have to ask the aforementioned questions twice.

Information technology's also worthwhile to call up about whether you're willing to assist others when asked. If you tend to say "yes" and are maybe fifty-fifty happy to be asked, and so perhaps you tin better meet the value in asking for back up from someone else.

Asking for aid doesn't devalue you in any way. Information technology can enable you to advance, connect you lot meaningfully with others, eternalize your productivity and ability to practise things with greater ease, and better set you lot for your next challenge.

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The preceding article was solely written by the author named above. Any views and opinions expressed are not necessarily shared past GoodTherapy.org. Questions or concerns almost the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted every bit a comment beneath.

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Source: https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/why-is-it-so-hard-to-ask-for-help-0616164

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